There was a time when I asked for this. I was bored, lonely, restless..And for faar too long I might add. I needed something to experience in the terms of romance. I was happy to focus on work and school. (For a while at least).. I missed my friends and my family. (And still do)
What I wanted was something to occupy my free time. Something other than entertaining myself... That is what made me happy, but I realized I needed someone new to get involved with. Maybe it is fair to say I wanted to "spice things up" a bit.
I have never been afraid to get involved with someone new, I was just very satisfied with being alone. No one worth my time has come along that I was willing to make an effort for. Sure, there has been interests, but nothing more.
That is until recently. It was very friendly with a crush in both directions...nothing more. Cuddling was what we anticipated, and that was fine..We never spoke of intimacy or dating or romanticizing. I felt that it was possible, or, it was possible on my end at least. We met and it took a couple days to get over the shyness. "Why are you so cute and shy? Am I the only one you are like this with?" Who knows...
We hung out almost everyday. Once we were comfortable around each other, it was amazing. I honestly could not stop smiling for a week and half. Was this what I have been waiting for for almost two years? Maybe this is someone I that can build up my confidence again.
Fuck, shot down. That is usually how it goes.. This time I was ready though! This is what I wanted. This is what I want. Sure, we have a ways to go. You say you aren't ready for this, and that is fine. I won't pressure you. But why not give it a chance? You didn't even give me a chance. Your back story is shitty, and I am sorry you went through that. But let me be someone that can help. What you need is to be treated right. What you need is a REAL emotional connection. A GOOD one!
I wasn't afraid this time, and that is why it sucks.
Just know that I can stop whenever you want to stop. I can go whenever you want to go. I have that freedom. I have all the freedom in the world right now! I want to help. And I know you don't want help. Not from me.. But I am still here, and not going anywhere. So why not use me? I consider myself strong. I can get through anything. I have the greatest friends and the best family I could ask for. That is all I need... But not all I want...
I don't care about broken hearts. I don't care about moving on. I don't care about depression. I care about you. I care about an experience.
What if I'm different? What if you can change? What if this is what you need?
What if we never find out? That is what I am worried about..
"WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY"
About Me
- Carlseek
- I loove to make short films. I am in love with all different kinds of music. I am quiet, loud, simple, and deep. My friends and family are amazing. The End
2 comments:
beautiful my friend could not have said it better myself, about relaionships in general that is, not about yoru situation or ythe situation i was in, but jsut in general ive seen these types of relationships before and ive been in your shoes way to many times, ugh tiss hard to be the nice guy at times huh>? ice skating soon?
it's always interesting to read someone else's thoughts and feel like you're reading your own. i know all too well how you feel, what you're going through, and wish you the best of luck with this person that you've found. i haven't heard from mine in a couple months now.. but i've written it off as a 'not meant to be' in hopes that it's the truth.
you're a great writer, by the way. and, though i don't know you in the slightest bit, i have to say that you seem to be a rare kind. don't ever change. especially for someone else.
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